There’s less than a week left to procure a gift that makes your dad do this:
Let’s be honest—dads thoroughly rock. Here are the seven most dead-up gifts for your Pops.
Dads like bikes. Dads like tools. So give him a twofer in this cycling multitool. Taking cues from the eternally useful Swiss army knife, the all-in-one cycling tool folds up into a compact unit, easy to take on-the-go. Containing pedal wrenches in various sizes, a spoke wrench, a spanner wrench, a universal chain tool, allen keys, and assorted screwdrivers, your dad will feel like the intersection of Lance Armstrong and Macgyver.
Wasn’t it your Old Man who taught you “no pain, no gain”? Whether it came in the form of a spotter the first time you benched 300 or a swift backhand you definitely deserved as a mouthy teenager, remind your father you never forgot the lesson. Pain Is Good brand trail mix will kick him in the teeth with peanuts, sesame sticks, and all the usual suspects, plus a dash of Cajun and habanero seasonings.
Then again, maybe your dad’s the type to scoff at trail mix. In that case, he can man up with Epic’s grass-fed Bison Bacon bar. This paleo delight delivers a hefty dose of omega-3s, iron, and vitamin B12, with just enough cranberries to keep things interesting. 100% organic, 100% Ron Swanson approved.
4) Meat Clawz
Yes, you too can give your dad the gift of clawing through flesh like a f*cking epic bearbeast. These shredding forks let Pa-Man rip, tear, and carve dishes like pulled pork or shredded chicken… even saber-tooth tiger for all I care; go nuts. Grill Beast’s Meat Clawz are dishwasher safe too, because what real man wants to wash these things?
5) Beard Balm
What do ZZ Top and Tom Ford have in common? Beards! Do you realize this means beards are acceptable for literally everyone? Help Dad keep his in check with beard balm. A blend of solid oils and subtle fragrance, this buttery conditioner will keep his face mane looking, feeling, and smelling its best. Go with Grave Before Shave brand, so if all else fails, at least he has a sick tin for nuts and bolts.
Whether Pops is a music snob or just a light Led Zeppelin consumer, you can score points by preordering their final three remastered albums. Presence (1976), In Through the Out Door (1979), and Coda (1982) come out July 31st on CD or vinyl. The super deluxe box set is numbered up to 30,000 and includes a 70+ page hardcover book with rare photos and memorabilia. Pre-order now and send Dad a link to listen to the previously unreleased Sugar Mama. Now assume this position:
Maybe this year, you want to show your dad just how epic he is. Or, maybe you hate him so much you want him to lose his bowels in sheer terror. Whatever your motivation, and I hope it’s the former, an aqua hoverboard experience is worth looking into:
Flyboard your way into Dad’s heart with the experience of a lifetime. For the man who has everything to the man who hates everything, I promise, it’s gonna be epic.
Epic Author: Jillian Conochan